Trust the process
I spent the whole weekend angry and anxious. I was running away from myself as I do most of the time. Without exception, we are responsible for everything that happens to us, yet I find excuses not to look within.
There are certain things that no one can do for us. Why do we run away from ourselves? Why is it so difficult to accept ourselves as we are now and confront ourselves to become better beings? It has been one of my life's most painful and complex experiences to fight against myself.
Honestly, I can't even say I have been fighting against myself. That would be a lie because I haven't tried hard enough. I want to live a better life. I want to live in peace. I want to get to know myself. The more I learn about my weaknesses, the more I can strive for things that make me happy and fulfilled.
Our lives are filled with what we need rather than want, which makes sense since we only overcome things as we go through them. Consequently, we create opportunities to learn from our experiences as we live. The only thing is that, just like in school, you must repeat it until you understand it.
Don't give up if you are trying to figure it out like me. It is complex and intense, but we are more powerful than our excuses. Get it done. Find out a way of putting yourself in the first place. We need to be strong to deserve our desire.
Remember that there is a legion of good spirits ready to give you all the support you need, but to receive the help, you must want it and act, take the first step and keep going. There are hundreds of books out there. Make yourself a good thing, and keep studying. Jesus is at the helm, but it is up to you to decide if you want to be saved.